=Mixedpie

OMFG THE SUPERBOWL WAS AMAZING!!!

The Giants totally OWNED. Their last touchdown was AMAZING! I totally orgasmed. It was amazing.

AHHHHHH!!!!

MORE JOURNAL YAY.

I miss Rocky. This month's show ended and I am now sad in my pants.

Though the after-party was rockin' and getting a lap dance from my archery coach was AWKWARD. Meh.

But now the party is over until like next month, and

And I want a poll, but am not subbed and I can't remember if you need to be to make them or not so I'm confused and I'm putting it here because I can:

Do you want to fuck Tim Curry?

So, totally 10 pageviews away from 10,000!!! I have no idea why this makes me happy, since pageviews don't really mean much except that my page has been viewed 10,000 times in about a year and a half.

If anyone captures a screen of 10,000 I'll draw them something free. Granted, I never charge for art, but I am also very busy. Seriously.

This weekend is going to be totally hecktic too. Rocky tonight at midnight, followed by an after party that'll go into the afternoon probably, then being forced to go to archery by my coach (she's in Rocky too... it's interesting to have conversations with your coach when her job in Rocky involves being topless, and you're in a bra) since I can't use "BUT I WAS UP ALL NIGHT DRINKING AND NAKED!!!" because she'll have been there too (yay parties!). Then I have a scene to rehearse (we are getting like NO class time for that in acting) and an essay to write for writing (animal rights yay?). Not to mention I'm falling behind on my reading because I like slacking off and playing Guitar Hero... uh, yeah.

I finally got dummy marks from fencing, after I took a pretty massive saber beating from one of my friends (who is skilled in like, every light to medium weight martial weapon EVER).

I want to go to the gym and work out, but I think I had some sort of Tai-Chi, Fencing or Parkor accident and now my knee and ankle really hurt on my left leg.

Also: There's a drag show on campus tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. YAY DRAG QUEENS.

I stealed this from 's journal, and she in turn got it from !

HOW TO DO THIS
1) Start your music player in randomize mode.
2) Get anything that will let you write the song titles down.
3) Randomize 14 songs, writing the titles down for all of them.
4) Then, you make 14 different pictures, each somehow relating to one of the songs.
5) Post the list somewhere public and keep it updated as you go.
6) When you finish, tell Vilhelmina about it, and she'll add you to her list. (:
7) Spread the joy! Tell your friends, tag people, things like that.

1. Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock - Harry And The Potters

2. Elegance - Hello Dolly!

3. Song of Scatland - Scatman John

4. Fantasies Come True - Avenue Q

5. Pretty Women/Epiphany - Sweeney Todd (not the Tim Burton cast)

6. Captain Soul - The Byrds

7. A Night on Bald Mountain - Fantasia

8. Star Wars Gangsta Rap

9. Once in a While - Rocky Horror (soundtrack bonus song)

10. Lobster Magnet

11. I'll Be Back - The Beatles

12. DOTA - Basshunter

13. The Ballad of Chasey Lain - Bloodhound Gang

14. Tell Me Why - The Beatles

Hmm... well, this should be interesting.

I love Christmas! And for the first time ever: I had a white Christmas. It only lasted about an hour, but it's never snowed on Christmas here (aka where I've lived all 19 years of my life, coming to 20 Christmases total) while I was alive so... YAY!

I got a lot of stuff I wanted (aka a working purse and Guitar Hero III and some cold, hard, cash to buy Steven Colbert and Borat's books as well as a pair of shoes I recently fell in love with). Good year.

Went to my grandma's... my mom was all stressed. My fingers hurt from Guitar Hero (I beat the career campaign on easy and got started on medium... I'd never played before today so I'm pretty proud).

I saw Sweeney Todd on Friday. 'Twas amazing, as I expected. I have fallen in love with Mrs. Lovette's costume, and discovered new aspects of my obsession with pie. Also: there are times when I find it a shame women never need to have a visit to the barber. Granted, I'd never be going myself, as I have a terrible fear of shaving my face (which makes me glad I'm a woman), or watching others have their faces shaved, or shaving their own face (except with an electric razor). And now I'm becoming obsessed with that movie (and the musical because I love the stage, and histories of plays and movies and whatnot...). And it has some of my favorite showtunes (aka "A Little Priest"). So... List of movies/musicals I'm obsessed with now:

Sweeney Todd
Hello Dolly!
Rocky Horror
Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I'm taking kinda a new lease on life. I'm frustrated with who I've been since... September. Over the summer I was off and on who I like to be (excluding the emo parts, of course), but then I went to college and went a little crazy. I'm still rather afraid to go back, seeing as what going there for the first time did to my sanity (and on occasion: morals). While the last thing I want is normality, the first and foremost things I want are myself, my sanity, and my morality. Not to mention my pride and my honor. All of which I feel I've lost since September (partially my fault, partially from stress, partially from the inadvertent actions of several others, who probably do not know what they did... and if they do, then they have a serious reckoning that involves no violence). Being home has turned me into myself again, instead of the horrible monster I had become... I just hope that the stresses of college (not so much academia, but rather the social scene and how lonely I am without my friends from home). God, I miss being home. I'm afraid to leave again, since I know what lies in my demon dorm, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to face certain skeletons again. At least I have two weeks until I have to return there. While I'm over certain aspects of my issues, and hope to remain so upon returning, there are others that aren't at home, but are certainly very much back at school.

Well, it has come to my attention through deliberation with myself that most of my issues stem from fear. In an attempt to psychologically overcome this and hopefully sidestep, ignore, and possibly abolish the fear that drives me to insanity (and I can clearly describe the mental state... while I do feel that is is my recognition of being insane that proves I AM sane, there is also another state of mind that is partially in between. Where you know you are insane, but cannot stop yourself, think clearly, or take the best course of action, whether you know what that is or not. It feels like a vicegrip on the mind, a blinding fog, an obscuring smoke and a dark hole all at the same time. When reflecting on those situations the memories become hazy, and feel as if they are from a removed time, and fogged as if the world were only visible through a pane of glass where there is a temperature and humidity difference between the two places it separates. It becomes obvious that something was wrong durring these time periods, in my experience they are all induced by EXTREME emotional distress) I have decided to take up the noble art of Parkour. A French "martial arts" of sort that shares its origins with the extreme sport of "free running". As my friend Jake puts it: The basic philosophy of Parkour is to forget what can kill you. I figure that if with fencing and archery I learn how to fight my way out of a situation, and with parkour I can develop better flight skills, and be able to jump around like a ninja vigilante, then perhaps with physical endurance, strength and agility I will be able to calibrate these emotionally. Perhaps even figure out how to become less introspective and obsessive and more carefree, and, dare I say, normal.

Why do my blogs always get all "I has a soul, explain why plz?" Curses. Though I did just come up with a very terrible fencing pun, I must find a time to use it (as well as several, to me, brilliant come back and side notes I've come up with).

And now is sleeptime because I'm tired and it's 2:30am.

HAPPY BOXING DAY!!!
HAPPY MOLVANIAN CHRISTMAS EVE!!!

So, I went to a Yuletide symphony show thing last night and it made me think: Why do people only seem to encourage generocity and goodwill toward men in December? Why not in the summer months? Does it spring from the fact that resources are not as pleantiful in the winter months? I say we celebrate Christmas (or whichever holiday you celebrate) all year round!!! And not just so stores can sell more stuff and you become more broke! CHRISTMAS MERICLES IN AUGUST!

Also: I'm sad because I got home from school only to discover that my internet has stopped working. So now I have to trek to the library where I must use IE and a keyboard that barely types (and is really really loud).

Oh whoah! When did my pageviews get to >9000!? YAY!!!!

Uh... there's a party and you're all invited _{In my pants.}

I was just going through a bunch of my old writing and sketch books from last year. I found it interesting to kinda see my journey...

Started out EMO. Man, September was kinda crappy... seeing as it followed the "summer of death" though, I don't blame it. I found out that one of my friends thought I had been stalking him or something, and I realized what my crazy place is (woohoo crazy place! How I hate thee! And the dark elf/drow lady that inspires it!). All my early writing is all about guilt and feeling shameful and how I felt like I needed to appologize and all that jazz.

Then I can see myself cheering up. My writing involves more pants (as does my drawings), to the point of me listing all the kinds of pants I could think of, then drawing them. Lots of interesting writing there, all crazy, but in a happy way. Then things just kept getting better and better. I read over some of the REALLY happy stuff I had written and I could start feeling the emotions I had at the time. WONDERFUL emotions. Then creative writing ended and I didn't have that anymore as an example. But I got a new sketchbook around that time. So I was looking at my drawings. There were the sketches that ended up looking like my math teacher, drawings I had done working out a merfolk variety with a Mediterranean twist. Lots of fish. Lots of lolz too. I was surprised at the number of inside jokes and memes that my friends and I had, especially in AP Art.

But then right when I'm getting through all my happy stuff... it stops. And it just feels horrible to think "and I was happy, and look at this! And oh lol there's this! And... it's blank. This must be..." then I came upon a transcript of one of my friend's and my's conversations in math (we did them all via notes). I started reading it and it was funny. I was making jokes about a guy in a math video (sorta...) and about how I discovered Rule 34. And then it comes up. And then the emo sets in.

I know when I look back at now, I'm likely going to remember the happy stuff. The "OMG COLLEGE!" and all my great friends I'm making there, and how my roommate is the most FREAKING AWESOME person out there. Seriously. I admire her SO MUCH. But... I don't know. Ever have those times when a year is filled with such happiness, and then... something happens and the happiness of the past has kinda faded? Like you revisit the memories and really wish you could go back because it was such a lovely time?

I have friends at college. I talk to some of my high school friends online. I'm making friends with some really great people. But I can't help missing everyone I had my senior year so much. And high school theater. I'm going to have acting 1 next term in college, and I'm doing Rocky, which isn't exactly theater, but still has cues and performances and great cast members... but it's not the same. It's not Bob.

Relating all this to Our Town... I suppose my recent trip through memory lane is not unlike Emily's trip back in time to her birthday after she dies. And, I always thought that play was really boring. REALLY BORING. To quote myself from my sketchbook, "I love how the plot of this play is: this is boring, this is boring, my wasn't that boring?" While that is true, I can now find the complete brilliance of the play. Life may be boring, normal (relatively) and probably lack adventure most of the time. But you have to appreciate what you've got when you've got it. Soak in the happiness because you never know when something going to shake it, or when you're going to die, or whatever. Appreciate EVERYTHING you have because you don't know when it's going to change. And going back though... I'm not sure what I think about that. On one hand, it's nice to relive what happened and bring back those good feelings. On another hand: it's kinda depressing, especially when you're unsure of your emotional state at the time when you take your trip back into memory.

Long story short: I really loved senior year. And I really hope that my freshman year of college will be as super awesome. Right now though... I think my best course is apathy and becoming ueber philosophical and biological and completely asexual. That's when I feel most stable at least. And I have the future to look forward to. As long as I don't dwell on dreams and forget to live, of course.

</emo>

In other news:
I registered for next term! Yay!!! And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I only have one class, and it's not until 4pm and it's ACTING. And therefore my schedule is amazing.

I'm also taking Tai Chi, Intro to Greek Life and Culture, and a course about writing research papers.

I'm frustrated with myself. I don't want to live in my head! I'd very much like to get drunk and stay pickled for a couple weeks, until things get better. But that's impossible, because I like my liver, I'm in school, and not only does the only hard-ish alcohol I've tried smell toxic, but it tasted that way as well. I really don't like living with myself right now.

It's confusing in here. Emotions and hormones rage far too much, it's like I'm PMSing but my period ended over a week ago (and said period was at a very lovely time too... it was the spark of my recent emotional dive, and I had to give several people lap dances). Constant state of PMS FTL!!!

I want to get over things. I want everything to work out. I want to just sit back on the sidelines and watch things unfold, then jump back in the game of life when I can handle it again. But alas, said luxuries are not available in life. I'm far too proactive. Proactive to the point where if my plans get let down for even the briefest of moments it sends me into an uncontrollable dive. Grah! LIFE IS NOT THE SIMS! I can't control my life. I can't control what goes on around me. I wish I were like everyone else who can handle these things. What's wrong with me? What went wrong? I seriously think I might be crazy sometimes and it scares the hell out of me. I'm terrified of everything.

ARGH! I'm chaotic good, colors: green/white. But right now I feel closer to lawful evil, playing colors of green/blue with red splash. I don't like this. But I'm having difficulty changing myself. I need to get out of here SO BAD. I need an escape!!! GRAH!!!

Also: I fail at getting laid. NEED.